Over Eating

When I was morbidly obese I would over eat all day everyday.  Let me just tell you that gluttony is so horrible to me because it was a sin that I had to wear daily with my obesity.  It was such a shameful sin to wear.  There are many different reasons that we over eat.  One reason is because we are emotionally eating.  We are using food to fill the void that is meant for Jesus to fill.  Food made me feel better temporarily. There is tons of research that says it has to do with the feel good chemical reactions that come from eating certain foods. Foods that are rich in carbohydrates can release serotonin.  Dopamine is released when eating protein rich foods.  Phenylethamine is released when we eat chocolate.  Oh my goodness, I love to eat chocolate!  I could sit here and tell you about all the different hormones that are released that make us feel good when we eat certain foods, but the bottom line is that I needed those feel good hormones in my body to make me feel complete.  I was missing and seeking something.  Food would cure my emptiness, but only temporarily.  Food became my drug and I was addicted to it.

 Proverbs 25:28  says: 

“Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.”   

I know how that man feels when he is lacking self control: frantic, anxious, worried, desperate, distressed, distracted, susceptible, weak, helpless, defenseless, exposed, and vulnerable. 

The bible also says that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control and those fruits of the Spirit are in you.  

Did you get that? If you call yourself a Christian and realize that you have received your salvation from the blood of Jesus Christ, then the fruits of the spirit are IN YOU! If you are anything like me then you are wondering where it is in you...

One day I was talking to a lady from our church that home schooled all her children.  I told her I thought that was awesome that she home schooled her children and I just did not have enough patience to home school my kids.  She said, “Sarah, patience is one of the fruits of the Spirit and it is in you.  You should ask God to help you develop more patience.”

I used to joke about the levels of each fruit of the Spirit that I had in me and when it got to self-control I would show that I had a pinch and then laugh it off.  I quickly realized that I needed to ask God to make the fruit of self-control in me stronger and I did this through lots of prayer.

My advice to you about your food issues, or whatever temptation you struggle with is…. pray, pray, and then pray some more.   

He listens and He is faithful.

Temptation

My biggest struggle comes from the temptation of food.  There were times I had absolutely no self control over food. But there are a lot of other temptations that people struggle with out there such as: smoking, pornography, drinking, gambling, sex, drugs, collecting random things, criticizing people, talking about the physical disapproval of others, exercise… the list goes on and on.

Don’t you ever wonder why some things are more of a temptation than others?  Why is alcohol more of an issue for some people and not others?  You can blame it in genetics, peer pressure, emotional events, depression, boredom… maybe that is just the distraction that some turn to and then for the people that use it excessively- they like the way the alcohol makes them feel. Then they keep wanting the feeling that alcohol brings and that makes it an issue.

Temptations can easily become addictions.  You know a temptation has become an addiction when you keep on allowing that obsession you are tempted towards win you over despite the unpleasant cost or destruction that come from these behaviors.  Your body then starts to crave the short term fulfillment that comes from that temptation that has now become an addiction.  

I gained 68 pounds in one year. Right after I got married in 2005 and we moved away to TX because that is where my husband was stationed in the army.  I went from being around friends and family constantly to being so bored out of my mind.  I tried to fill my boredom with productivity.  I went back to school and tried to find a job.  I tried to make friends and I had no luck. I found a lot of comfort in sitting on the couch, watching tv, and eating.  I ate all day long.  I didn’t think I had a problem.  I would find myself aimlessly walking around the kitchen, thinking about food all day long, I would have vivid dreams about food and if I woke up in the middle of the night I would go eat.  That is what my food addiction looked like. 

How do we handle temptation?   

How is it possible to beat temptation with determination? 

Where do you find your fulfillment? 

There are many excuses that I used when I would fall under temptation and over eat.  I used to tell myself, “I just want it.”  I would joke and tell people, “The heart wants what the heart wants”. When I was morbidly obese, it was not hard to tempt me.  But the Bible has a solution to our problem of temptation.

The Bible tells of a time when Jesus was tempted by the devil in Matthew 4: 1-4: 

“Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil.  After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry.  The tempter came to him and said, ‘If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.’ Jesus answered, ‘It is written: ‘man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’

 This verse is so powerful and changes my perspective on the way I see being tempted. 

Even in difficult times his love toward the Father transcends the gratification of physical needs, emotional desires, and rational deliberations. In his perfect obedience he is the real servant of the Lord who not only sets a perfect example to be imitated by his followers, but even more so is the lamb without blemish, the one that was able to take away humanity's sins.

  

Jesus remained faithful in temptation and became the model for all believers when we are tempted. 

Hope

I was walking through the kitchen on my way to sit on the couch and grabbed a cookie out of the Kroger container I had bought earlier that day.  I had that great idea of getting something for dessert because “the kids would like it”.  I go sit down on the couch to enjoy my cookie while I look through the DVR for something good to watch while the kids are napping.  I haven’t even been sitting down for 60 seconds and that cookie is gone.  Still working on getting to my list of recorded shows, I interrupt that task at hand to get off the couch for another cookie.  After that cookie was carefully selected, I return to the primary task of watching a recorded show.  The show wasn’t even through telling what happened on the week before to catch the viewer up when I wanted another cookie.  I tried to put the thoughts of cookies in my head off to the side and tried to get into watching the show.  Let me just tell you, I had no idea what that show was about because I was dreaming of cookies.  They were practically calling… no screaming my name! Those cookies were so seductive and I kept going back for more.  After I had eaten so many the thought went through my head, “why not? I’ve already had 5 or 6, what is another cookie going to do”.  By the end of that hour long show that I was watching, there were two cookies left out of the dozen that were in the container.  The only reason I left two were because I had a child that I had already promised cookies to after dinner.  My poor husband didn’t get any.  I remember looking at those two cookies that were left and feeling hopelessly defeated.  At this point in time I was the woman that was creeping towards the 300 pound mark that would start a diet every single Monday and by lunch I was totally conquered and crushed by the temptations of food.  I was carrying the stress of a stay at home mother to 2 precious children under the age of two.  I was overwhelmed with life.  Something had to be sacrificed and it was me, my health, and my self esteem.  I was living for everyone else.  I had tons of weight loss goals and had never accomplished one.  I could not even walk to the mailbox without feeling out of breath.  Being out of breath was not my only problem; I got diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure by the age of 25. I will never forget the day my doctor told me that bad news. I remember feeling as if my stomach dropped like a rock to the floor.  I started feeling hot and sweaty.  A knot was in my throat and I kept trying to swallow it down and it would not budge.  I do remember summarizing what he was telling me in my head.  The bottom line was that death would fall upon me due to my weight.  My years were numbered if I stayed this way being unhealthy with a high weight.  It was a death sentence.  I may not see my children graduate high school or college.  I may not see them get married.  I may not meet my grandchildren.  My mind was flooded with all the memories that I would miss out on in this life. I felt hopeless. 

Do you feel hopeless? 

Christ gives us hope!  Psalm 119:116 says :

  "Uphold me according to your promise, that I may live, and let me not be put to shame in my hope!"

Psalm 119:81 says:
"My soul longs for your salvation; I hope in your word."

Galations 5:5 says:

"For through the Spirit, by faith, we ourselves eagerly wait for the hope of righteousness"

Find hope in Christ!

 

Dawn's Dialogue

I was honored to guest blog on Dawn's Dialogue today, check it out:
http://www.dawnwhitmorespeaks.org/2012/09/guest-blogger-sarah-roap-weighted-down.html

Arms

Everybody has the genetic part of their body that they like about themselves.  Physically, my part that I like about myself is my legs.  They have always been small, even when I weighed 300 pounds.  They have always been strong.  Everywhere else though... I carry all my weight in my gut so if I gain a little bit now in present day, I look pregnant.  I have what I call a tire that my fat preserves itself in around my lower abdomen and it goes 360 degrees around my lower belly area.  Then there are my arms. *sigh* First of all, I have the bat wings that I got from being morbidly obese and then losing half of my body, so there is the skin that hangs down and I can make it wave to you.  Part of me has so much shame based on the fact that I overindulged with gluttony.  The other part wants to wear my bat wings, kind of like a war wound, proudly because I was able to lose so much weight because of Him.  Very torn perspectives.  So my arms are my weakest link.  I have decided that I would like to get certified to be a personal trainer.  Well, I think if I am going to tell other people how to achieve their weight loss and strength training goals then I need to have some strength training goals myself, right?  So about 3 weeks ago I started trying to build up my upper body strength.  I workout my upper body about 3-4 times a week and then focus 1 day on legs.  It is exhausting! So this past week I made my best friend come workout with me at the gym.  I get up some dumbbells and we are working our biceps and triceps hardcore with these dumbbells.  I picked her up 2 8lb. dumbbells to work her biceps and I picked myself up 12lb dumbbells to work my biceps. So we are on our second set of 12 and after I got to 12 I wasn't feeling it very much so I told my friend, "let's just keep going, until we feel the burn."  She groans at me and I give her a little peptalk and tell her that she can do it!  She finally puts the dumbbells down and says, "I can't do this- I have the upper body strength of an infant!"  Come to find out... I had picked up the 8lb dumbbells and she was using the 12lb dumbbells... no wonder she was dying... oops! 

I want to challenge everyone that reads this to try to find the good parts of yourself and focus on positively changing the parts you may consider bad or you are not happy with. Make good decisions that reflect His strength in your actions.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full and well.” 

Psalm 139:13-14

 

Temptation

Isn’t it funny how we always have the perfect excuse for not following through on our plan to “get fit”?  I know I have probably said them all before.  “I am too tired,” “I am too busy,” “working out is just too painful,” “it is such an inconvenience,” and the list goes on and on and on.  Nobody is going to do the work for you.  You have control over your actions.  You will never succeed if you don’t ask Jesus to help you.  God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to show us what it was like to live a perfect life.  He will blow all of your excuses out of the water by walking the walk.

            There are many excuses for why we over eat.  I used to tell myself, “I just want it.”  I would joke and tell people, “The heart wants what the heart wants”. When I was morbidly obese, it was not hard to tempt me.  The Bible tells of a time when Jesus was tempted by the devil in Matthew 4: 1-4:

“Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil.  After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry.  The tempter came to him and said, ‘If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.’ Jesus answered, ‘It is written: ‘man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’   "

This verse is so powerful and changes my perspective on the way I see being tempted with food.  Jesus stayed faithful during this temptation.  In this moment, Jesus was relying on his Heavenly Father for nourishment.  The most powerful part of that verse is Jesus’ reply to the devil. He is telling the devil that if He were to turn those stones to bread, it would not fully satisfy him because Jesus receives his spiritual nourishment that will make him fully satisfied from God and God alone.  Jesus shows us in his actions that we should remain faithful when we are in the midst of temptation.  The devil is not just some guy out there that has a chip on his shoulder that wants to influence people to do bad things to tick God off.  He is the archenemy of our God Almighty and the one who tempts people to evil because he is the host of darkness and he wants everyone to be miserable with him.

            By giving you this verse to void out the excuse of having no will power and being tempted, I am by no means telling you to blame everything on the devil.  Even if Satan tempted you to eat the whole cake, God is bigger and stronger than the devil!  Halloween is next month and it is a bad time of year for my sweet tooth.  Certain sweet candies are always calling my name. Every time I walk by the candy isle during that time of year with my grocery cart, I can’t help but look that direction! Is it the devil tempting me?  Maybe it is him and a little of my own sinful flesh.  I do not forbid candy from myself, because that is one of the ways that I got to be morbidly obese in the first place, by forbidding foods from myself.  What I do is I save the candy for night time because that is when my sweet tooth becomes mean. I hold that candy and I pray over it.  That sounds silly to most, but God is faithful to me in my temptations as He was faithful to Jesus.  

             I pray, “Dear Lord, I am going to have this Reese egg and I want to ask that you help me in my temptation to want more than this.  Please help me to feel satisfied after eating this, fill my heart with love for you God, and let me know that I am fully satisfied in you and your love for me.  Amen.”   

Try It.  I dare you.  I double dog dare you.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet was without sin.” Hebrews 4:15